You Must Be Joking!

Directional coaxial You might have seen the new types of coax cable that are appearing on the market. They use a newly developed micro-crystalline polymesmeric compound for the dielectric, which is wound into a helix. The outer conductor has a sheath of nitrogen-free mono-obdurate copper, as well as the conventional braid. The inner conductor, surprisingly, is ordinary copper, but is extruded to a tolerance of less than a thousandth of a millimeter and has a polished surface.	Flexible antenna “I saw this in that shop where you have to stand looking at a catalogue until you find what you want. You know the place. After you’ve studied the catalogue for a few hours you have to queue for a few more, then they tell you that the item you want is out of stock. But I got lucky this time, because I bought this fantastic little aerial and it was only £29.95! This is a really good idea.
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Self-employed Sitting drinking Monkman’s Slaughter (Cropton Brewery) and wondering why we're so bitter and twisted, my pal and I came to the conclusion that it is because we are both members of that sad group of social misfits, the long-term self-employed.	mV per kilo “Well, it's late, but here goes. If you were to compare the amount of signal at the terminals of aerials of various designs with the weight of each aerial, you would obtain a mV per kilo figure.
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Scruffy aerial rigger Get orf me land, you scruffy aerial rigger!	Hot Boxes Originally the hotel had all ten Sky receivers in a wall box. They provided satellite channels for the TV distribution system. The box was kept locked and was more or less airtight. It was warm-well, hot, actually-to the touch. The wall box was in the boiler room, for goodness sake, and the ambient temperature was about 40°C. The receivers were dropping like ninepins.
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Aerial Rigging in the 1660s The great diarist Samuel Pepys was a man of many parts. He was a secretary to the Admiralty, but less well known is his career as an aerial rigger. Reproduced below is a diary entry in which he records the trials and tribulations of that occupation.	Haydn’s death brought him blissful oblivion I'm sure that when Haydn wrote his String Quartet in G Major, Op. 1, No 4, he didn’t envisage that it would be the musical accompaniment to a scene in which a South Yorkshire estate agent decided, after a bottle
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Letting it all hang out Those of you familiar with Robin Hood’s Bay in North Yorkshire will picture the scene easily. It was a lovely sunny late summer’s afternoon, and the narrow twisting streets had a reasonable population of tourists peering into the nooks and crannies. The tide was in and the sea lapped the slipway at the end of the main street. On the left is The Bay, the pub at one end of Wainwright’s coast-to-coast walk.	‘Satellite TV not feasible’ – Newton As some of you will know I’ve always been fascinated by the possibility of time travel. Well last week I finally achieved it. The cost was considerable, as I had to use a full packet of good quality elastic bands and the working parts from a perfectly serviceable chemical toilet,
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This definitely happened to someone else, not me I reckon this bloke must have been a complete idiot. This is what he told me happened to him. "Last night I got home from the pub and decided to do a bit of DIY. I got everything ready and I had one of those huge aerosols of expanding foam ('fills awkward gaps, sets rock hard, expands 60 times its original volume' – you know the stuff) to fill the gaps, but when I pressed the trigger it wouldn't work. It said 'shake 20 times' so I shook it an extra 50. I fiddled around with it for a while but it wouldn't eject any foam. I took the nozzle off and poked into the hole with...	Aerial alignment the amateur way Years ago there was an aerial rigger in South Yorkshire who used to tell everyone that he had no need for a signal strength meter. He boasted that he had simply learnt which way to point the aerials for every location in the county. For instance, in Doncaster he would point the aerial at Cusworth Hall, about three miles from the town centre, and in the same direction as Emley Moor when viewed from the town centre.
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Are women as clever as men? Of course they are! In many ways they are cleverer. They have better people skills, deeper intuition, more patience, better dexterity, and greater verbal fluency. But sometimes they do seem to let themselves down in other ways . . .	Are you coming or what? verbatim
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Every website needs a filthy joke Actually there are two here. But if you are an innocent young child trawling the internet and you’ve arrived here because your assignment is some stupid thing like ‘The History of Television’ then you really mustn’t read these jokes without an adult’s permission.	Getting quite sarcastic and nasty Quite often when there is an aerial fixing problem because the roof and walls of a new building are sheet metal the architect will specify an indoor installation.
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Overheard at the coming-out ball of Lady Fenella Gipton-Smythe “How odd, Lady Fortesque, that you should mention 10mm studding, or mild steel threaded bar as some people call it, today of all days! I must tell you about Ron! He’s a little man I know and if you need some 10mm studding (or mild steel threaded bar as some people will insist on calling it) he’s absolutely the perfect chap to approach.	Sometimes you just can't make people understand We went camping over the weekend. Well, it’s not really camping, if you go in a well-appointed motorhome. You just take with you the bits of your life that you like, and leave the rest behind.
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This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers (part 1) We’d completed the installation of a brand new satellite and terrestrial distribution system at this apartment block a few months previously. There are always a few people who complain about something or other in the aftermath of a job like that.	This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers (part 2) Half way thro' the afternoon I was on a horrible steep roof doing something that needs five hands and a monkey's tail to cling on with and the damn phone rang. "Hello?" "Is that Bill?"
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This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers (part 3) I've had Mr Angry on the phone this afternoon. What follows is an accurate account as far as I can remember, although names have of course been changed...	This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers (part 4) The breathless voice of the girl at the council brought the unwelcome news that the Dyke Road flats had got no TV reception, "again!"