“That would be nice.” The RF output of the VCR was on channel 22. That wasn’t ideal because Carolyn lives in Belmont land, where ch22 is used for BBC-1 analogue .Carolyn has a distribution system that accepts a VCR output on ch39 for distribution.

“Have you got the book for this bloody heap of shit?”

“There’s no need to be like that, you miserable old git. Here’s your tea, and I’ve put poison in it.”

The instruction book was nowhere to be found, but there was a one-page quick start guide that mentioned that the RF output was factory set to ch22, but didn’t say how it could be altered. I tried everything but couldn’t find out how to alter the RF output channel. I took a deep drink of tea, and nearly spat it out over Minkie the exotic cat. It beats me how anyone can spend five times as much on a cat as on a video, when cats are useless and in my experience are generally free to a good (or any) home, but there you are. “Bloody hell girl, how much sugar have you put in this?”

“I couldn’t find a spoon so I just poured it in and stirred it with a fork. Is it too sweet?”

“It is very sweet, rather like yourself,” I said.

“Oh Dad you are lovely,” said Carolyn, hugging me from behind as I squatted uncomfortably on the polished wooden floor with my thumb sore from pressing every possible combination of buttons on the Crown remote in a vain attempt to alter the RF output channel. In the end I daisychained the Crown scart into scart 2 on the Sky box. This allowed recording from the Sky box, and playback as long as the Sky box was not in use. Far from ideal since both items feed all the outlets in the house. I left the Crown’s RF-in and RF-out disconnected.

Does anyone know how to alter the RF output on a Crown CRV2250 VCR?

Much later, at home, I heard raised voices from the kitchen. Hil has been on about having a VCR in the kitchen for ages. Today she had been clearing up in the front bedroom (ex Carolyn’s, now Paul’s office) where she had found a VCR. She had prevailed on Paul to install it in the kitchen. All went well except that the kitchen telly has only one scart, and this is used by the DTT box, so Paul needed to feed the Panasonic VCR RF into the telly. The VCR RF was on channel 39, and for some reason this was affecting both channel 44 and channel 47.

“How the $%$% do you change the RF output on these bloody things?” cried Paul in tones of considerable exasperation. He’d found a remote that worked the video (from my bedroom so now I have a VCR without a remote), he’d done all the usual Panasonic things, but nothing led to the ‘RF output channel altering’ menu.

“Are you sure it isn’t the old type of modulator with a screw adjustment on the back of the machine?” I asked.

“Yes I am sure and no it isn’t.” But of course it was. Eventually I got roped in and I ended up setting the RF output to channel 39 and a half, the only setting where it didn’t play havoc with other channels. When I came to tune-in the RF input channels I noticed that they were set up for Belmont. The penny dropped. This was Carolyn’s old VCR! I tested every function and the machine worked perfectly. I rung Carolyn.
“I’m going to ask my friends on the newsgroup how to do your nice Crown video,” I said, “But just out of interest, what was wrong with the Panasonic?”

“Dunno really,” she said. “It just wouldn’t work one day, so we got a new one.”

Maybe it wasn’t plugged into the mains. Who knows? Who cares in this throw-away age?